In mere days from now, my youngest starts kindergarten. So the first question I get lately is “What will you do with yourself now?”. It’s a perfectly reasonable question, and one I’ve been asking myself. It also makes me realize that a huge part of my life is over.
Seven years ago I remember being very pregnant and uncomfortable during the end of a hot summer. I remember washing baby clothes and hanging them in a tiny little closet, in a tiny little room, in a tiny little house (which we loved). I remember the smell of the laundry detergent, the blue paint on the walls we matched to the blue sky in the Dr. Seuss book “Oh, the Place You’ll Go!”, the wall decal that inspired me to open my own business, the tiny crocs and tiny aviator sunglasses on display that my sisters bought for their brand new niece. I remember dreaming about who this little girl would become, wondering if she would have my thick hair, or my husbands perfect smile (she absolutely does). If she would love to read, or love the outdoors, or playing sports, or if she would fall in love with our dogs.
Then she was born, and we fell in love, and the beginning of this journey started. It was dirty diapers, little baby baths, a few houses, a baby sister, more dirty diapers, some scrapes, some first steps, some laughs, a lot of tears, some sleepless nights, some fights and wondering what the hell we did, some adventures, some lessons, some dreams coming true and a lot of happiness. I’ve dreamed about getting a job, being with adults, not having my kids around to make a mess behind me cleaning up. I’ve been stuck at home for days feeling like I’m going crazy, I’ve plopped them in front of a movie for some quiet time more than I care to admit. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, and had some very proud mommy moments too. I’ve wondered whether staying home was even meant for me, and if it’s normal to have those thoughts. I also started two businesses, both which found so much success I had to put them on hold until I had more time for them.
In a few days my youngest goes to school for two full days a week. Which to a stay at home mom, is a huge deal. Should I smile? Or cry? How am I supposed to feel right now? Will I be even more bored?
So for now on day 1, I’m going to make a coffee. Drink it while it’s hot. Maybe watch some interrupted T.V. or go and get my hair done during the day. Then I’m sure it’ll hit me. These moments of being a frustrated stay at home mom are done, and I’m nothing but thankful I got them.
So that’s what I’ll do with myself.